The opinion you have of yourself is what matters most!

I don’t like to be misunderstood. I suppose there aren’t too many people who do but some are better at letting it go than others.

How do you react when you are misunderstood, when someone forms an ongoing opinion about you based on their misinterpretation of you? We have a choice in how we react to such things.

Admittedly, there are times when someone’s opinion bother’s me especially when I’m being misunderstood. When that happens I typically have to process the situation in order to move beyond it, however, I refuse to linger there and get stuck in it.

When we linger and get stuck in the upset of someone’s negative or wrong opinion about ourselves only hurts us by steeling our joy and taking our focus away from the things that do bring us joy and the things that are most important to us. We then give that person power over us and we fall into the victim role. Oh boy! I hate that! When I become aware that that’s what I’m doing, I move out fast! I refuse to be a victim and you should too!

I do understand, though, that when it’s someone close to you such opinions can be very hurtful and the processing can either take longer or can even be ongoing because the issue may be something that has to be dealt with often. That is not always easy but more often than not the situation will resolve itself one of two ways.

1. Eventually the person misunderstanding you will finally see the light about you. Big relief!

2. There may come a point in time when you have to move on if it causes too much friction. In this case my thinking is … “go where you’re celebrated not tolerated”.

Again, that is for the extreme situation. For those situations not so extreme, another option is to simply ignore it. Does it really matter what other people think? No!

“Ultimately, what others think about you doesn’t really count as much as what you think about yourself.  It doesn’t matter who they are – spouses, children, parents, siblings, friends, well wishers, colleagues, critics, detractors, enemies and any other categories of people you might be able to come up with.  What they think about you does not matter as much as what you think about yourself.
If you are living your life to impress and please others, you are still a foolish slave who is in need of emancipation.” ~~ by Pastor WD Favour in “Human Opinion Is Plastic Part 3″

There is freedom in living in our joy and that includes letting go of other people’s opinions about ourselves and it also includes surrounding ourselves with people who celebrate us rather than tolerate us.

Remember, it is your own opinion about yourself that matters most!

In my coaching appointments probably the number one question I get is “How do I love myself?” or a statement of, “I don’t know what taking care of myself should look like for me”.

I almost always follow up with … “Well what brings you joy?”

Sometimes the person can rattle off a few things but often she doesn’t have a clue.  When you’re used to focusing on everyone and everything else and not care for any of your own needs, you tend to lose yourself.

I ask you, “What brings you joy?”

If you aren’t able to answer that question adequately then it’s time to ponder this question.  It’s time to look within and connect with who you are.  I can hear you asking … “How”?

For some, getting still and quiet and having what I call an honest moment with yourself can stir up some ideas.  You might be able to remember things that you used to do that you enjoyed or things that you always wanted to do or even some things you’ve put on the back burner.  Now is the time to explore those things.

If nothing comes to mind then you will have to start exploring the world around you.  The universe is our playground.  Don’t be afraid to explore it in a way that is not threatening to you and without judgment of yourself.  Just have fun going deeper with the things you find that you like and dropping the things you don’t like.

I was telling a friend today the first thing I did when I began self-care activities.  I took a book and journal to Starbucks.  This was before there were Starbucks on every corner so it was a bigger deal, however, I still love to go to Starbucks! ☺  Anyway, I spent time sipping my favorite latte with pen and paper in hand.  It was heaven.  Then I would go browse a favorite store.  I rarely bought anything; I just loved the ambiance of this one particular store.  It made me feel really good being there and I enjoyed nosing around.  Afterwards I felt like a million bucks!

But here’s the key.  You have to be in the moment.  Most of my activities are all very simple but to get the full benefit you have to be in the moment blocking out your to do list, the argument you had with hubby, the kids, etc. and then soak up the moment you are in with total gratitude appreciating yourself and God if He is a part of your life.  When you get “being in the moment” down, you can turn almost anything you do into a self-care, self-nurturing activity making the 15-minute daily commentment with TWWC very easy.

So I ask you, my dear?  What brings you joy?  Please do share in the comment section below.  If you don’t know then share that and/or what you think might bring you joy.  It’s ok.  Dream a little!

In my next post I’ll share more of my own personal self-care activities … how I can turn simple every day things into special moments.

As I sit at my desk on this beautiful day my heart ponders where I am in this moment feeling very alive to where I was years back feeling dead and depressed.  More than that I find myself pondering what I experienced these last couple of weeks.  I sit in amazement because it really all started when I began to care for and love myself.

I had no idea what brought me joy so I began to explore the world around me in little baby steps.  Never underestimate those tiny gestures like buying yourself a flower, allowing yourself a little time to read for pleasure and/or work on a hobby, sneaking a few minutes away at your favorite cafe, a bubble bath, exercising, etc. … while all at the same time being aware in the moment relishing the time and appreciating yourself.

As I did those things I learned about myself, I tapped into myself, and began to explore bigger things like the Internet.  And, I dared to believe that I could make a difference some how online.  It wasn’t always easy because sometimes my own fear would want to stop me but I persevered as I wanted more in my life and I knew that I was destined for greater things.

Twitter came along as did facebook.  My world continued to open up.  The next thing I knew I started The Wonder Woman Challenge.  And in the middle of all of that (and less than a year ago) I connected with a pastor from Nigeria who quickly became my pastor, my mentor, and my friend.  And just so you understand he actually lives in Nigeria and I’m in the US.  Pretty crazy!

Our hearts resonated and we began to work on projects together.  One thing lead to another and just this past August WD Favour took his first trip off the continent of Africa and visited all of us here in Pittsburgh laying a strong foundation for further work to impact the world.  And here is the kicker!  I’m a part of this world impacting work as are my best girlfriends!!

How can this be??  You could say it’s the law of attraction or the law of agreement and you wouldn’t be wrong.  But it’s my personal belief that the bond we share goes way beyond the natural laws of this world and into the spiritual realm that only God Himself could orchestrate.  Words cannot express the awesomeness of this experience and even what’s to come in the very near future.

Let me take this back around.  When I was dead I had to start some place to lead me out of that position of being a depressed victim.  I had no idea where those initial baby steps would lead me.  I’m sure that if someone had told me that a few years later I would be working with a pastor from Nigeria impacting the world I would have said that they were crazy.  Now that I’m here, I can’t tell you how excited and alive I feel.  I know but I know that greater and bigger things lie ahead of us and I just can’t wait for it to all unfold.

As WD, my pastor and mentor told me long ago and reminded me just a couple of weeks ago … I’ve been waiting my entire life for this experience.  He is so right.  I was created for such a time as this.  It’s a thrill to be alive!

Do you know what you were created for?  Are you ready to come alive in a way that you’ve never experienced before? All you have to do is take the next step that’s right in front of you.  Do you know what that next step is?

For WD’s latest post concerning the impact of his trip click here:  http://wdfavour.com/the-pain-of-parting

When was the last time you felt excited about your life in a way that you knew but you knew you were tapping into something deep within you?  When was the last time you felt alive in this way … I mean really alive?  Maybe you are currently experiencing this kind of excitement.  Maybe you are like so many women I talk with who long for this kind of experience but for various reasons feel it’s impossible to achieve. Or maybe you are somewhere in between.  Where ever you are allow me to encourage you to either hop on the journey or to keep going.

There was a time in my life when I felt dead.  Just getting up in the morning was a big accomplishment.  The thought of any excitement much less an excitement that moved me in a deep way looked and felt like something impossible for me to achieve, yet, in an honest moment with myself I admitted that it was something that I longed for.  However, it really did feel impossible but I had to start somewhere.

In my opinion it all starts with taking care of yourself.  That’s exactly where it started for me.  It sounds crazy but when I began a journey of self-care that’s when my world began to open up.  Why?  Because in order to understand what self-care meant for me I had to begin a journey of self-discovery.  I am still on that journey today and always will be as my journey continues to lead me to incredibly exciting places.

So how did I go from feeling dead to doing 15-minute self-care activities like reading, writing, bubble baths, hanging out at favorite cafes, etc. to now impacting lives around the world along with working side by side with a pastor from Nigeria?  My life has become so rich … yours can too!

I ask you again, when was the last time you felt alive?

Stay tuned for part 2 of “Coming Alive”.

To become a “woman of wonder” personal play dates are a must!

When we think of playing why do most adults think that it’s just for children?  Have you watched a child or a group of children play lately?  They play so naturally, so care free with no judgement.  They can go into a room full of toys and play a little here and there until they land on something that really gives them joy and pleasure. They don’t doubt themselves or question whether or not it’s the perfect thing for them.  They instinctively know if it’s something they enjoy.  Somewhere along the line we tend to lose that ability as we grow up.  Sadly, many of us numb out to it.  There are lots of reasons for that, which I’m not going to focus on in this post as I will save that one for another time.

Personal play dates are a must for me because they renew my spirit.  My energy and inspiration will usually sky rocket leaving me with Ideas that flow like milk and honey.  Play dates can be as simple as breakfast with friends, window shopping at cute little shops, or my favorite, visiting a new tea room.

A personal play date is doing whatever brings you joy.  It can be different for everyone.  You can play alone or you can play with a group or just one other person.  There are no rules! =)

The thing is some women are so numbed out in their lives that they have no idea what brings them joy.  Does that describe you?  I was once there.  I started by experimenting with a little of this and a little of that just like children do when they walk into a room full of toys.  The universe is our big playroom.  Allow yourself to explore it!  See what you like, but please don’t judge yourself in the negative sense.

Remember, playfulness feeds the spirit and soul allowing for awesome moments of inspiration.

Personal play dates are a must for all of us Wonder Women!!

When was the last time you took a personal play date??  Please share your experiences and/or thoughts by commenting below!

Have a play-filled day!! =)